1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
