Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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