mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
