I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
