I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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