I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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