everyone is single if you try hard enough
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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