Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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