Soap is not a condiment
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
