Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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