i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
