we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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