I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
