And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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