i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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