omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
