come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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