There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
