I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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