Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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