Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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