dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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