update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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