just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
