Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We are two peas in an std pod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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