you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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