I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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