I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
