Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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