They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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