Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
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She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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