Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
