I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You are the jesus of drinking
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
