I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
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HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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