Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
