so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
