is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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