It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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