I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
