DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just had sex on a roof
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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