it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
