Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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