I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
