Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The Olympian is in my bed
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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