I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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