no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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