Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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