Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
