don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
