I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can I color on your dick again?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
