So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
