I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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