Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
