is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
