just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
