Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
