So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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