Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
