We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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