I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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