Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
