i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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