i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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