Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
