I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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