but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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