your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize