We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
