my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
