I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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