It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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