You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I want her autograph on my taint
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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