I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
