Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
