i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
