Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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