You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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