So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He felt like a one man threesome
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
