Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
