I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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