I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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