We're facebook friends in real life
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
