So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
