you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She made me pour olive oil on her.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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