dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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