You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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