I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm too high and old for this...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
