Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
