in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
