I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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